Thursday, February 4, 2010

Roller Coaster

We have had a week of disappoints, followed by blessings. It's been up and it's been down. One of those CrAzY, dizzy weeks. I mean, we started out the week knowing that it was buckle down time with money and business was super slow. But, we didn't compromise on our tithe and we were blessed for it. It's Thursday and Kevin has so many orders that he is running like a mad man! I can't wait to sample these stuffed jalapenos he is making for his Super Bowl Sunday special!!
Anyway...yesterday, we were pretty sad around here because we discovered that once again we are not pregnant. I admit that this time I took it pretty hard. I really haven't been consumed with it, but I was pretty sure that this was the month. It was to be the perfect birthday present. (Because I live in fantasy land sometimes! ha!) But, it was not time and I had a good cry over it. I actually had a pretty bummed day about it. I've prayed about it and am moving on because He has a plan for us. Sometimes, I just wish he'd let us in on what it is! I feel like everything has to be a battle sometimes....can't we just get pregnant without it being a huge ordeal? Maybe...maybe not. As a teacher, it is really hard to see some people get to have kids and not really "parent" them or even want them, and then I have to wonder if I will even get to be a mom. It also crosses the mind on days like yesterday, what if because of bad choices earlier in life, I missed my chance to be a mom. It's possible. I don't know. All I know for sure is that after next month, if we aren't pregnant, it is time to go back to the doctor. And at that point, I guess we have to decide just how far we are willing to take the "extras" that could help us get pregnant. It's no secret that insurance doesn't cover these "extra methods" and we don't have a money tree in our backyard. Not sure how far I am willing to go....but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
For now, I feel myself returning to normal and looking forward to the fun in the weeks ahead!
With that, I leave you with a picture of how I fail as a puppy mom ~ ha!!

1 comment:

Lindsey said...

Lori-

I'm so behind on the blog reading! HE does have a plan for you. It would be so nice to know what it is, and when you will get to be that momma. But you will in HIS time! I know what you mean about seeing parents not really parent their children. I see it every day. And I'm not sure if the email I sent you went through or not, but THANK YOU for your words of encouragement when I sent you that long email about being frustrated with work. It's so nice someone else knows EXACTLY what it feels like. I just keep pushing forward. And you will too:)