I have really been praying about and thinking about this current journey of ours lately. Some of your emails and outpouring of love and support have really made me start to think about why we are going through this baby journey. I think I am finally starting to embrace it. (as soon as I say that, I will have a melt down, but there it is in print!) A few people have commented on how well I am handling it...HA!...I don't think I am at all (and Kevin might agree). There are days of crying and questioning. There are days of extreme crankiness. There are days of plain 'ole pity party. There are days of impatience. And, then there are days like today when I am at peace with our journey. Here is the thing - I KNOW that God has a plan. I know He knows much better than we do what timing is best for us. I never forget that, but sometimes I still have a temper tantrum because I want MY way! Lately, I have thought about how God brought us through Kevin's struggles with alcoholism and how life now is so much better than I thought it could be. I think He has the same thing in store for us with this journey. I can't help but look for the why we are going through this. With Kevin's alcoholism, it gave us a ministry. A way to help others. Is this another way for us to help others? I am looking for those answers. I know He will show me. I also am certain now that I will be a mom someday. God just would not make this desire stronger if it wasn't what He wanted also. I am excited to see how the journey unfolds!
I do have a prayer request...you know how the clomid gave me some pretty extreme mood swings...in a few days, I will be back on clomid. You might pray for Kevin! Here is my wish for me - I have four dear friends that over the next four months will be blessed with a baby of their own. The first of which was born this past Friday. My hearts desire is that I am able to enjoy this moment with my friends. This is so hard to explain to people who haven't struggled to get pregnant. The feelings of being happy for your pregnant friends but wondering if it will ever happen for you. I just want to be able to be there for them and truly enjoy these precious moments with them. Pray for me that I am able to do that without getting down about our situation. I love each one of my prayer warriors more than I can ever express to you! Thank you for your continued support and love!