Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Evidence!

"What?!? It wasn't ME! I had NOTHING to do with it! You have pictures? Oh, then the cat made me do it!"

Monday, August 30, 2010

What?!? Can it be?

I finally feel like I had a good day...whoop! I actually laughed today...that's right, laughed! Giggled!! I unloaded a burden from my shoulders and felt lighter immediately. I have decided on the baby front that we are older than some trying to have a child, but we aren't by any means out of time. We've got plenty of time! Now, that doesn't mean I haven't decided to throw my clomid out the car window! I am sick of that stuff and the mood swings that go with it. However, I will say I have liked the boldness it gives me in taking up for myself instead of just letting people walk over me. Maybe I can keep that side effect and give up the weight gain and the emotional roller coaster! :-) On the money front, I have faith that God will provide what we need. And, on the job front, well, I am going to continue to do the best I can while keeping in mind that it is a j.o.b. and not my life.
Here's hoping for more giggles tomorrow! Nighty Night!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The good, the bad and the ugly

The good:
*My BFF, Michelle, had her baby Friday, and he has to be the absolute cutest baby in the world!! I mean look at that sweetness (yes, I swiped her pics off FB! ha!). Our first free weekend, we are going to meet this little guy in person. I think I'm in love already! I just keep looking at his pictures and saying 'he is just so pretty!!'I can't decide which picture I like more, so you get to see both. Look at that hair and round face...precious, I tell you, precious! :-) Michelle is my inspiration. She tried for years for both of her little blessings. *Other good from the weekend: It was scrap night Friday night. I was still super cranky, but it helped to be with girlfriends and just be reminded we all have our problems.
Oh, and I finally got my yard mowed!! It's only been a month! ha!


The bad:
I am not 100% back to myself. I'm not going to lie. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It isn't a coincidence that both Sunday School and the church service were about dealing with hardships and crisis in your life. As long as I keep my faith in God and keep talking to Him daily, I am going to be ok. :-)
The ugly:
I finally admitted to Kevin last night that I felt like I was on the verge of depression, and I was fighting to keep it at bay. Depression is a place I never want to go again. So, I am vowing that no matter WHAT this week, I will keep my chin up, my prayers constant and priorities straight! God is number 1, Family is number 2 and job is number 3. I may have to repeat that to myself when I am overwhelmed, but that's ok too.
Before church service today, I had decided not to blog anymore until I was back to my 'normal' self or in a happier place. But, I was reminded that we can't go through the tough stuff alone and the more people we let in on our struggles, the more people we have praying for us. And, I do thank you for your prayers, emails, thoughts, calls...I have some awesome people in my life!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Real Quick...

First, about yesterday's post, I am still crankyish (it's a word in my world). BUT, I am praying about it and praying to let it go. Today, I went and got my next Bible study - Life Lessons from Women in the Bible. I have to have a workbook study to stay in my Bible and can totally tell a difference when I go without.

On a cuteness note, you MUST go visit this blog - FarmGirl Fare - if you are an animal lover, it is a MUST I tell you!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

C.R.A.N.K.Y.

No post yesterday because I was cranky, which led to a big fat ugly fight with my awesome husband. Boo! And, today, no better. I'm about to vent and let it go (hopefully), because if I am cranky again tomorrow, I am throwing all clomid out the car window and don't care if I ever take it again. All it does is make me fat and cranky (or evil, I think is Kevin's word! ha).
I have prayed and prayed about things, but I guess I am still holding onto them and not letting them go to God fully. That is so hard to do. Let me be honest with you - we have two of the biggest stresses right now - infertility and money. Some days I feel like I am treading water...barely! They basically trade off. Sometimes I am more worried about baby stuff and have felt that I surrendered the money worries, and then it is like I take back the money worries and surrender the baby stuff. I can't seem to let them both go! Frustrating!!! I will be honest, I am about done with the baby stuff. I don't know how people do this for years and years. I am ready to get back to enjoying life. We are at the point that we need to get Kevin tested and I will do the laproscopy, but after that, if we don't get pregnant, it just wasn't in the plan. I refuse to get further and further in debt. Which leads to the next worry...money. Urgh! I will just put it this way - we live paycheck to paycheck when things are good. Consider that Kevin has had strep and a cyst removed (doctor bills), add to that the missed jobs and extra money opportunities that we passed up to go to Florida (family comes before money), and then throw in some extra bills like property taxes and freakin' Terminix (they are waaayyy too expensive!!) and boom - you get brokeness! B.R.O.K.E. I am sick of it! Things have to pick up soon!! So....pretty much you put all that fantastic stuff with the fact that my job is stressful this year and I am cranky! Over the top cranky. Don't want to see or talk to anybody cranky. I hope my job situation gets better because I love my job and was so excited about the new year, but with all the changes, the fun is getting zapped pretty quickly. I started thinking today why I didn't try harder for that library job last spring...why did I think I wanted to stay in the classroom? Maybe I have to be hit in the head when it is time to make my next move...I had to be miserable to make the move to this school...maybe I'm just cranky and thinking too much. I'll give the 'ole job a few weeks to settle & then analyze again, but I'm leaning towards this being the last year in the classroom and seriously looking for a library position. And, sadly, that means leaving the school that I love because our librarian isn't going anywhere. :-( Ok...hopefully this rant and a good nights sleep will cure the crankiness!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I knew it!

I knew that I look 3 months pregnant even though I'm NOT! This stupid medicine makes me look bloated 24/7. I have worked hard to disguise it with what I wear, but today I messed up I guess. Someone in my Sunday School class asked me if I was pregnant! I mean, they all know we are trying. But, DON'T ask someone unless it is FOR SURE. Jeez! My response was that in a cruel twist of fate, my medicine that is supposed to help me get pregnant just makes me look it! urghhh!!! I hope the weight just comes off once I stop the medicine...
Feel free to send up more prayers...Kevin is finally over the strep throat, so now it's time to make his appointment to be checked out in the infertility journey.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

First Impressions!

Today was the first day of school...one of my favorite days of the year! It always cracks me up how on the first day they are so quiet and perfect. And, as a teacher, you breathe it in for the moment in time that it is because you know it won't last! ha! I think I am going to enjoy this group. My first impressions are smart, super cute, cute names (I'm talking I could get some baby names out of this class list! ha!), and a few 'spunky' kids mixed in the group. It's going to be a good year. That is, if I can keep up with all the new curriculum changes...I see more bringing work home than I like in my future. :( If you wanna check out just how cute my kids are, then click here.

The best first day of school story that happened at a friend's school:
A 4th grade student walks into his new classroom and says to his teacher, "My name is ***. I can't read and I can't write. But, I know how to pray and my grandma and I got on our knees this morning and prayed someone at this school would teach me to read this year." I totally cried when she told me that! Let's pray for that student and teacher! :)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A big piece of my heart

Yesterday marked one year without my sweet Jax. I still miss him like crazy...even with these pups. He was one of those great dogs that will forever live in my heart. Look at that sweet gray face... Totally crying again...
First of school tomorrow, so I need to go and pull myself together! :)

Monday, August 16, 2010

Ahhhh!!!!

First week back at school...kids start on Thursday. I have 2 days to get it all together!!! Need organization and energy NOW! Everytime I think I have made progress and am getting stuff done, I remember something else I need to do. And, P.S. $500 goes fast for teachers. I always spend all mine in August and this year was no different. Why do the powers that be think we can operate a classroom all year from $500? I did some re-arranging in my room to make it feel a little 'new' since I was there most of the summer teaching summer school. It worked. I am liking the change. Now....tomorrow I am staying until the building closes if I need to or at least until I feel like I have a handle on things.

In the midst of my chaos, Big Bear has strep throat. When Big Bear is sick, he is DOWN for the count. Serious hibernation! :-) Send him some prayers please!

If I'm not on here tomorrow, I am buried in school work. I do L.O.V.E. the beginning of the school year though!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

cowgirls

Real cowgirls don't seem to mind the 100 degree temperatures with a heat index of 115 degrees...they walk and ride around in their jeans with their long hair down. Meanwhile, I'm a wuss in the stands with my hair pulled up off my neck and a fan pointed at me. And, I am STILL hot!! But, I do love to watch my niece ride! My mom is even showing some now too.. Enjoy a few pics and consider yourself lucky that you can look at them while in the A/C! :-) First, my mom & Mindy: Autumn & Mindy...she's getting fast!!!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Praising Him no matter what the outcome...

Again the answer is no. I have to admit that this month, not much of a reaction from me. It is almost like I am numb from disappointment after disappointment. We've talked about it, and we are going to take the next few steps with the doctors, but after that, in all likelihood stopping all the extra means to try and have a baby. I start my 'evil' medicine again tomorrow. The medicine that I really think is behind my weight gain!! Seriously...if it makes me have mood swings, why not weight gain too? In a cruel twist, my stomach looks like I am 3 months pregnant and I'm NOT! I'm not kidding!
Now, it's time for step 2. On Monday, we will call to set Kevin's appointment up to be checked out. Then, step 3. This one makes me nervous! After Kevin's appointment, I will go back to the doctor and she thinks laparoscopy will be next. Judging from the way things have gone with my cycle, it's fairly certain I have endometriosis. Now, for someone who has to be dying to visit the doctor, a surgery is super scary! The only time I've been put under was when I had my wisdom teeth out. Plus, I am 37 years old and have a fear of needles! Doesn't look good for me, does it? ha!
While I am numb at the news this time around, I am grateful for the wait. As with all of God's plans for us, there is a reason for this. I am trusting Him. I know that He knows the best timing. Although, I thought as a teacher having a baby at the end of March and staying home for April and May would be GREAT! But, I would take end of April too! :-)
I know so many of you are praying for us. Keep it up! Neither of us are looking forward to our parts in the upcoming steps...pray for our peace of mind.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Family pics

And, back to Florida...because I'd really like to be back there right now! ha! So, how bout some nice beach family pictures? I'll only post 4 or 5 but we have about 50!! ha! We'll start with Kevin's sister's family...love 'em all!
The whole Benson crew...we had a great time! Kevin, his parents and Ethan would team up and play golf. Me & Austin would team up and go to the beach and read. And, John & Rhonda lived at the beach or pool! :-)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Dog Break!

Taking a day off from Florida pics & stories to share some doggie tales with you! First, meet Chase, a BoxAR Rescue boy that we are watching while his foster mommy is out of town. Isn't he cool looking? He's only 6 months old and already a bit bigger than Rex! You don't see this color combo very often on a boxer...it's a rarity. He looks like he has two black eyes! Stella normally could care less about play dates or visiting dogs, but the diva herself even played with Chase some today!! A little tug-of-war times three!
Rex loves him! He is actually getting to play boxer style!! I'll have to try to get video of them boxing and body slamming each other.

In sadder boxer news, someone else was originally supposed to keep Chase while his foster momma was away. But couldn't do it AND take in the newest boxer needing a foster home and some serious care. Since I had a big part in BoxAR taking on the newest little guy with the mange, I stepped up and offered to keep Chase to free up room elsewhere. This poor little guy below is only about 6 months old himself and someone just dumped him off. He was in danger of being shot where he was dumped, so Kevin and I went and got him. A big thanks to my Bubby for alerting us of the danger he was in and stepping up to save him. Long story...but he is now safely in the care of BoxAR Rescue where he will get the care he needs and eventually a loving home! I can't wait to show you the 'after' pictures of him, so you can appreciate just how awesome this organization is!
If you would like to make a donation for Truman's care or any of the BoxAr Rescue dogs, click here. Thanks! :-)





Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The condo...

...our home last week was non too shabby! Can you imagine waking up to this view everyday? Ahhh!There were four bedrooms and four bathrooms so we all had our own private bath and bedroom. Very nice!All the windows offered ocean views.

I will let the views from the balcony speak for themselves:
And it is for sale and can be yours for a mere $800,000!!! What?!?! It was nice, but $800,000? Not that we could ever afford it! ha!
Ok...tomorrow is my first day with an alarm clock for the past 3 & 1/2 weeks, so I gotta crash! Night!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Let's Talk Food!

We are going to just have a Florida week here on the 'ole bloggidy blog...you know how the real world slaps you in the face when you get home from a vacation? Well, this will help me relive the relaxation of the vacation! :) So, today, let's talk FOOD! A favorite topic of mine ~ ha!
Our #1 choice of the restaurants we ate at is Peg Leg Pete's...YUM! I had grilled shrimp & Kevin had the mixed grill. Seafood...gooood! Our second favorite was Flounder's. We ate there the first day and the last day of our trip. Highly recommend the shrimp boat. And, I discovered a love of coconut shrimp here!
The first day when we went to Flounder's, we had been driving all day and felt a little yucky and were full pretty quickly. So, the following day, Kevin and I walked back and had an appetizer & dessert. Or rather, he had the oysters and I had the best peanut butter pie of my life!

Our third choice in restaurants was Crabs, but we rated it as having the best view from our table!
Thursday night, Chef Kevin treated us all to a steak and shrimp dinner with new potatoes and sauteed mushrooms as good or even better than any restaurant!
On our final night, we celebrated John's 4oth birthday and Pop's (Kevin's dad) 60th birthday at Flounder's. The size of their desserts is massive!
Now, after reliving all that wonderful food, I should tell you that Kevin and I have vowed to eat better and lose some weight! LOL!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Hello Real World!

I'm back and while I was gone, I crossed something off my bucket list! Parasailing!! I was SOOO nervous, but I loved it once I did it and I would totally do it again!! I owe a big thanks to my awesome sister-in-law who went up with me to help my scared self!! :) No going back now...we lifted off the back of the boat and once you hit a certain height, it instantly becomes quiet and peaceful.
I am a little, (ok a lot) afraid of heights. I get nervous when people even lean on the rails of a balcony. And this was 1200 feet of line with the height of the riders reaching anywhere from 400 to 800 feet. Let's just say, once you reach a certain height, the difference between 400 ft. and 800 ft. becomes irrelevant! ha! The views were AWESOME!! I loved it! And, am so glad I didn't chicken out!
Coming in...don't get me wrong, while I loved it, I never released my death grip! ha!
After me and Rhonda, John (my bro-in-law) and Ethan (my nephew) went next. It was Ethan's first time too. I love this shot of them going up:
Only 5 things left on the 'ole bucket list:
1. go on a cruise
2. go to New York
3. see the Grand Canyon
4. go to the movies by myself
5. swim with dolphins
More tomorrow... :)