Tuesday, August 24, 2010

C.R.A.N.K.Y.

No post yesterday because I was cranky, which led to a big fat ugly fight with my awesome husband. Boo! And, today, no better. I'm about to vent and let it go (hopefully), because if I am cranky again tomorrow, I am throwing all clomid out the car window and don't care if I ever take it again. All it does is make me fat and cranky (or evil, I think is Kevin's word! ha).
I have prayed and prayed about things, but I guess I am still holding onto them and not letting them go to God fully. That is so hard to do. Let me be honest with you - we have two of the biggest stresses right now - infertility and money. Some days I feel like I am treading water...barely! They basically trade off. Sometimes I am more worried about baby stuff and have felt that I surrendered the money worries, and then it is like I take back the money worries and surrender the baby stuff. I can't seem to let them both go! Frustrating!!! I will be honest, I am about done with the baby stuff. I don't know how people do this for years and years. I am ready to get back to enjoying life. We are at the point that we need to get Kevin tested and I will do the laproscopy, but after that, if we don't get pregnant, it just wasn't in the plan. I refuse to get further and further in debt. Which leads to the next worry...money. Urgh! I will just put it this way - we live paycheck to paycheck when things are good. Consider that Kevin has had strep and a cyst removed (doctor bills), add to that the missed jobs and extra money opportunities that we passed up to go to Florida (family comes before money), and then throw in some extra bills like property taxes and freakin' Terminix (they are waaayyy too expensive!!) and boom - you get brokeness! B.R.O.K.E. I am sick of it! Things have to pick up soon!! So....pretty much you put all that fantastic stuff with the fact that my job is stressful this year and I am cranky! Over the top cranky. Don't want to see or talk to anybody cranky. I hope my job situation gets better because I love my job and was so excited about the new year, but with all the changes, the fun is getting zapped pretty quickly. I started thinking today why I didn't try harder for that library job last spring...why did I think I wanted to stay in the classroom? Maybe I have to be hit in the head when it is time to make my next move...I had to be miserable to make the move to this school...maybe I'm just cranky and thinking too much. I'll give the 'ole job a few weeks to settle & then analyze again, but I'm leaning towards this being the last year in the classroom and seriously looking for a library position. And, sadly, that means leaving the school that I love because our librarian isn't going anywhere. :-( Ok...hopefully this rant and a good nights sleep will cure the crankiness!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

May you rest well tonight knowing you are loved and give your burdens over to the One who loves you most.