Sunday, October 31, 2010

Whew...what a whirlwind weekend...

I can't even put our weekend into one post. First, it would be too long and second, I am exhausted and don't know I have the energy left. We got a phone call from Kevin's sister Friday afternoon that they had been given 6 indoor club seat tickets to the Razorback game. They let the nephews pick one friend each to take with them and they said, "Call Aunt Lori and see what they are doing this weekend." Woohoo! I let Kevin go with me...heehee!
Anyway, we had already set up to have our pictures made with the dogs Saturday morning. A friend at work has a husband who is starting a photography business. I'll post the pics when we get them. I'm super excited! We've never done anything like that and just thought it would be fun and he wanted some practice because he's just getting started, so we are bartering and paying them in food for pictures! ha! So, we had to get up early Saturday and go to the park for pictures and of course, the dogs dug in the mud RIGHT BEFORE we walked out the door...and then Rex did his little "speed demon bolting action" routine and we had to chase him down at the park...craziness! Larry may not want to do people and their dogs photos again! ha! But it was fun.
As soon as we got home from that, we situated the dogs and hit the road for my sis-in-laws house and headed to Fayetteville for the game (and on the way, my awesome nephew Austin even helped me grade papers! yay!). Our seats were AWESOME! It's a comfortable way to watch the game for sure and no worries about the weather...plus your own concessions. Nice! Big thanks to my nephews for picking us to tag along! :)
We had a blast...but the ride home was long and late. We got back about 1 in the morning and had to get up Sunday morning at 6 am....AND, to top it off, when we got home Rex had gotten sick and we had to clean that up before we could officially crash...but we didn't care. It was a great day! Oh, and the Hogs won! :)Saturday was whirlwind as you can see...and today was more of the same...tune in tomorrow for more! ha

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Raw Feelings

It hits out of the blue...the emptiness feeling that comes with infertility and wondering IF you will ever get to be a mom. It's quotes you hear or things on tv or the Upward video of the cute kids at church...something causes the pang in your chest. The one where you ache because you wonder what if...what if I don't get to be a mom. What if no one ever calls me mom? What if I never get to experience that love? I hate when I feel this way because most of the time I have hope. And quite honestly, even with all my female issues lately, I have been doing really good. God has really answered my prayers about being able to enjoy and be happy for all my friends that are having babies. Is it bad though that I wish my best friend lived closer so I could just "share" her baby with her? I'm not kidding...I mean, if I can't have my own, I could just share hers. Right? :) See, I can joke through the tears...
You know, or maybe you don't, but when someone new tells me they are pregnant, I feel genuine happiness for them. But I wonder IF it's ever going to be me that gets to have that announcement...there is now a fourth teacher that I work with that is expecting. And, she very sweetly and with such an open heart told me first before everyone started finding out because she knew of our struggles. Before this, I kind of rebelled against people feeling the need to single to me out to "make sure I was ok" with them being pregnant. It kind of makes you feel on the spot and pressured to have a certain reaction. But, now I have mixed feelings about that and it could be the way she did it - in such a caring and heartfelt way. I know she is praying for me and Kevin and so many others are too. It's just hard sometimes...maybe harder being a teacher and seeing kids being neglected or parents that are too busy for their kids. It's hard knowing there are parents out there that don't even want their kids and it doesn't seem like we can have one.
ok...I've had my cry...now I'm turning it back over to God and trying my best to leave it in His hands...thanks for listening (again).

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Found it & thought "well said!"

"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones; "just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "why can't you just be happy with what you have," or the most painful from the ones who seem to have the good on God's plan; "maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never ceases to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone with cancer and say, "maybe God never meant for you to live." However since I am infertile, I am supposed to get on with my life.It is hard to understand why people cannot see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have the right to seek treatment. What if doctors said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in iron lungs or die." What if they never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?Why do I think God gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up each time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, and to create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me NOT to have children. That is not my destiny, that is just a fork in the road I am on. I have been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I am a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and have greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down.Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest most refreshing drink I have ever known. While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never experience the joy that I know awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And, the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility, I already know." ~Anon.

Monday, October 25, 2010

A little more to the story...

Kevin and I can both be a little hard-headed and seem to like to learn our lessons the hard way. So...there is a little more to the Old Meatzilla vs. New Meatzilla story. See, my parents offered us the suburban we went and got yesterday BEFORE we even bought Meatzilla, BUT one of us had to have the big engine that came with Meatzilla. I can't say anything though, I didn't really want the suburban either, of course, I didn't want Meatzilla the red beast either! ha! Now, it appears that best case, Old Meatzilla the red beast will need minor transmission repairs and can sit at our storage and only be used to haul the concessions trailer. Worst case, the transmission is shot and we tow him to our storage spot and use him for parts, because one of the beauties of New Meatzilla is that it is also an '89 Suburban. An '89 Suburban that we now appreciate the beauty of ... it looks better inside and out, it doesn't have exposed wires to make the windows work, the tailgate isn't taken apart to be able to open it, it has air, gets better gas mileage, has a passenger working seat belt, and doesn't have two extremely cracked and busted windows in the back. All it's missing is some big engine, but in it's place, it has a CB and don't think for one minute my husband isn't already having fun with that! ha! Thanks again Mom and Dad...and here it is in print, Dad was right and we were wrong. We know, we know! ha! New Meatzilla in the daylight:

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Nothing went as planned...

...it was THAT kind of weekend. I mean, I had great plans of a lazy Friday night catching up with DVR, a Saturday of scrapbooking and boxer playdates, and just enjoying the house to myself while Kevin was in the woods camping with the guys. It was not meant to be...Here is how it really went in shortened version:
*Friday night - Kevin broke down AGAIN in Meatzilla on the way to his camping trip. I was just getting settled in and deciding on my take-out when the call came to come get him. Tow truck came for Meatzilla, I came to get Kevin and the camper, and the guys came to get their camping food. All signs point to the transmission being kaput in Meatzilla. Consider that Meatzilla is a $1500 vehicle that runs half the time and the fact that we don't even have the money for the tow truck and you can imagine our stress on Friday night. We were pretty low on Friday night, but we did all we could do - we prayed about it.
*Saturday - while I would have loved to have spent the day scrapbooking in peace, instead, I drove Kevin to a catering, helped him with it and then came home to do school work. I had to get my chores done so we could go to my parents to get Kevin something to drive the next day.
*Sunday brought even MORE adventures our way and many blessings. Anyone that knows my dad will not be surprised that at my parents place, there was a suburban sitting around not being used that Kevin can drive for FREE. So, we don't have to worry about buying a new vehicle right now. Blessing! It gets better gas mileage. Blessing! It has air conditioning. Blessing! It is nicer than Meatzilla. Blessing! Did I mention it is free to use as long as we need? Blessing! My dad had also chopped up some pecan limps for smoking meats. Blessing! And, just to throw in a little something extra, Mom gave us some cast iron skillets that no one was using, but she knew Kevin would. Blessing! Yep, what we thought was disastrous on Friday was really a blessing in disguise. Funny how that works! :) And, to keep us on our toes, on the drive home, just as we were within 10 miles from home, we drove into a tornado and were being whipped all over the interstate by the winds...we can find adventures, yes we can!
Meet the New Meatzilla:

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Check this out!!

My friend, Jill, sent me a link to this website/blog a girl has that is struggling with infertility, and she puts a spin on it to make you laugh at all the stuff that you go through. I mean, I had tears rolling down my face reading this stuff, not because I was sad, but because I GOT it and it was making me laugh!!
Here's a sample:


Here are some more realistic titled fertility books:

What to Expect after you’ve peed on a stick and you’re not sure if you really see a second line or it’s your imagination.

What to Expect when you’ve been waiting all day for the fertility doctor to call you back.

What to Expect after you’ve stared at the toilet paper and thought that you might have seen a red dot.

What to Expect when you’re partner’s sperm count is in the negatives.

What to Expect after you’ve had baby-making sex, not because you wanted to, but because it was ovulation time.

What to Expect when cousin Martha gets pregnant on her first try.

What to Expect when you have way too much PCOS-related facial hair.

What to Expect after you’ve been inseminated by a 20 year old fertility intern named Teresa.

What to Expect when your Facebook friends happily post their ultrasound photos and you want to shoot yourself.

What to Expect after you’ve just eaten a container of ice cream following a BFN.

What to Expect when you’re at a baby shower sobbing in the guest of honor’s bathroom.

What to Expect when you have to give yourself a fertility injection during cousin Emma’s wedding.

What to Expect when you’re mother gives you another newspaper articles about infertility.

What to Expect when you’re completely jealous of all pregnant women but won’t ever admit it.

What to Expect when you feel hopeless and this blog reminds you to never give up HOPE.


You've got to go read at www.999reasonstolaugh.com

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Loooong Week

It's been one of those long weeks with lots of long days, but it's still been a good one! Why? Because I am still feeling normal, well, at least normal for me! ha! Yep, pretty sure this hormone issue is finally under control and we get back to living and loving life. :)
Monday night was Bible Study and then parent teacher conferences until 6 pm Tuesday night and tonight. 17 out of 20 done! Whew! I am ready for the weekend!!! Aside from the catering Big Bear has suckered me into helping with, I have nothing on my agenda! Yay!
On another note, Big Bear and I have been approached about coaching Upward Basketball at our church. What do you think of that? ha! Kevin says we better coach girls because they won't care that I can't even dribble. I don't know why he thinks I can't dribble. I mean, yes, I have zero athletic ability, but I can dribble! Anyway - we are thinking about it, but I am pretty sure we are going to do it. It should be fun!
Ok, enough rambling from me. Here's hoping for a weekend of scrapbooking and catching up on the DVR and being lazy!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Multi-tasking again...

...that's right! I think I am finally back to myself! I am feeling normal and more like myself every day. I haven't felt cranky or in a bad mood for days now!! I am laughing and AWAKE! For the first time in almost a month, I don't feel like I want to lay down and just go to sleep. I have energy...yes! I am getting stuff done...working all day and coming home to get chores done at home. I finished my "hormone meds" yesterday and it appears things are leveling out. Can it be that life is going to get back to normal in the Benson household? Say it is so! :)
Mark my words - lesson learned - NO more clomid EVER again!!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

NW Arkansas Weekend

We headed to NW Arkansas Friday after work in a much anticipated trip to get my hands on Caleb, my BFF's new baby. I have waiting too long...I've seen all these precious pictures and he is already 7 weeks old. This child is even MORE precious in person if you can believe it. I mean, he has fat rolls for days! I have already put in my request with God for a little chubby baby like this!!
Friday night we visited and we were highly entertained by Jacob (Caleb's big brother). I wish I could remember some of his one liners that had me rolling!! Once I asked him if he had a girlfriend while looking at his class picture and he said, "no, none of those girls are hot!" heehee! A second grader and a 7 week old...what a difference! Saturday morning, we headed out to watch Jacob show his skills at his Upward football game. I think he made all the touchdowns and once he got the ball...look out! That kid is FAST!
That is Jacob trying to catch the kid with the ball!
During the game, I got to feed Caleb and burped a baby for the first time. BIG deal for me because everyone knows I am not a baby person, but I am in awe of this one!! I couldn't get enough of him!!
After the game, Michelle and I left the kids with the men and went to the craft fair for a bit. And, we both got some of our Christmas shopping done! Whoot! I have been wanting a sign for my living room over my wedding picture and am having one custom made. I will wait and share those details when it arrives, but the craft fair was a successful trip. And p.s. cheesecake on a stick=GOOD! Just get something to drink too! ha
And of course, we watched the Hogs and then had to go to drown our sorrows over some yummy Catfish at the Catfish Hole. Then...it was the long trip home. I couldn't figure out how to hide Caleb in my bag so he is safely left behind with his momma! :)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

State Fair

Tonight we had free passes for parking, entry, rides and a meal at the state fair...SCORE! Unfortunately for Kevin, I do not like rides. I totally thought I was going to lose all my good food on the tilt-a-whirl, so he could only get me on the ferris wheel after that. But, my love for a mini-donkey has grown and if I thought I could have a pet pig and it not end up on Kevin's smoker, I would want one of those too! Highlight of the night - fried oreos!!! YUM!!!
Good night, but I am one tired puppy! (that has a million chores to do tomorrow for teacher workday! ahhhh!!!)
Nighty night...I am going to dream about fair food...

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

For the love of boxers!

Remember this face? This was August 9th...and BoxAR took him in... And, here he is today....going to his furever home on Saturday!
PRECIOUS!!!
Thanks BoxAR Rescue!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Country Folk

My Mom and niece would be content to live on a horse farm and just ride everyday. They are in their element during these horse shows...I didn't get any shots of Mom though. I watched some of the show through the concession stand window! Here is a first...they had to get the calves in a gate. Funny to watch but I was exhausted by this point....ha My dad driving the tractor to drag the arena...I thought he was cute! :)
I wish my pics I got of Autumn running Mindy riding bareback hadn't turned out blurry. It was a beautiful sight!My absolute favorite from the weekend. I know she is my niece, but she is just gorgeous...and even more beautiful with her horse. This horse does whatever Autumn wants her to do.
My dad is now riding Shena...she was supposed to be Autumn's horse, but the bond between rider and horse is totally with Mindy. She was just meant to be Autumn's horse.Not sure what the goal was with this during the obstacle coarse...Until next season.... :)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Concessions Weekend

We are almost all unpacked and cleaned up from our concession weekend. So many little stories and pictures to share and I'm too tired tonight to even upload pics! ha! And, tomorrow, I work until almost 7:30 pm, so no promises until at least Tuesday! :)
You know, we didn't make a ton of money or anything, but we had a good weekend. It was a good family weekend. The weather was nice. We got to spend time together doing something we love. And, I got to eat concession stand food all weekend! I L.O.V.E. concession stand food! LOL! We were doing concessions for a horse show and that equals family time and watching my niece ride. Friday night even my Mom and Dad were in the show! Whoop!
My favorite memory from this weekend is watching my niece Saturday morning in the arena by herself riding Mindy bareback. GORGEOUS! I just was in awe of the beauty of the two of them together. There is no doubt that Mindy is her horse.
Best food from the weekend was my most awesome cheeseburger last night! I mean, my husband can rock out some food! That cheeseburger was up there with the BEST ever!
Excitement from the weekend was the drunk hospital escapee that showed up at the horse show and my concession stand window bleeding from the back of the head and scratched up all over his face. I mean, where he came from we don't know...(we assume the hospital, he still had a bracelet on and when the ambulance came to get him, they said he had just left there an hour before). He claimed 3 cowboys jumped him at the gate and beat him up. I am thinking he was just delusional from whatever he was on, but I felt sorry for him and I kept wondering what happened to him. You know it wasn't so long ago that was Kevin...and it made me stop and praise Jesus for the changes in our lives!
Ok...I'll stop there...Big Bear has my ribs ready for dinner! Yummo! :)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Our neighbors hate us!

This is our driveway right now while we get ready for concessions this weekend...and that smoke you see on the other side of the concessions trailer? That is the smoker cooking meat! Yep, we are a neighborhood nightmare! We gotta get to the country soon or they are going to kick us out! ha! I am excited about this weekend, but a little anxious that some of my health issues are making a come-back. Pray with me that they clear up and I can enjoy a nice family weekend.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

I'm a lab...give me a pile of sticks and I will chew all day... Wait a minute! Is that my daddy's truck I hear? Now, my day is complete! :)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Contentment

It is going to be one of those crazy, busy weeks this week. Today I left for work before 7am and got home after 7pm, but somehow I managed not to be cranky. I think I just feel SO much better now that my health issues are all straight and I've gotten some much needed rest! I had a great weekend and am looking forward to a fun weekend in the concession stand with my Big Bear. Concessions are FUN! Caterings, I could be left out of and not get my feelings hurt! ha! We have a to-do list a mile long...but I am just content to sit here in my cozy house with my awesome husband and all my furkids and just count my many blessings! :)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Escape to the Woods

Saturday was a nice, peaceful day. Just what we needed! :) I love it when we decide about 10 minutes before we head out where we are going...sometimes we just go where the road takes us. Saturday it took us to Hot Springs National Park. We went on an almost 2 mile hike and needless to say, we are so out of shape, but it was still an awesome day! I love being in the middle of the woods ~ especially when I'm with Big Bear and the doggies! There are lots of dog friendly trails at Hot Springs National Park and they are all well marked and nice and wide for when you meet other hikers.
If Rex were off leash, we would have lost him to every squirrel, butterfly or other creature in the woods! ha!
Here we are "resting" at the halfway point:

Where to next daddy?After our little hike, we loaded up our tired selves and our tired puppies and went to McClard's BBQ. (and ruined everything we accomplished with our healthy hike!ha) Anyway...we got some lunch and went up the road to a really neat park to eat. It was a busy park....lots of birthday parties, people fishing in a little pond, and a revival service of some kind going on. At one point in our exploring the park, a little boy who was deaf came up to pet the dogs. AND, they were actually GOOD! He picked up on our hand signals for making them sit and read their name tags and was giving them commands to sit and just loving all over them. It was a heartwarming moment in an already great day.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

My BFF's Baby...couldn't resist!

I've been going on and on about this kiddo and these pictures and some have requested to see them, so I "lifted" them just for you! Get ready to say "awww" and "precious!". In two weekends, I finally get my hands on him in person. He is the CUTEST! I mean, look at that belly and all those rolly polly places!! Presh!