Monday, November 15, 2010

Contentment and Forgiveness...

...the two topics at church Sunday. Contentment in Sunday School and Forgiveness as the message in the church service. Two topics I struggle with. During the message, he (we had a guest preacher) said, "Think about your list. We all have a list. That list of people who have hurt us or disappointed us." You know...the ones you want to 'get theirs' or are wishing for the 'what goes around comes around' to come to them. Think about your list. Now, forgive them for whatever they did or said. Don't let it drag you down or keep you from fully loving God and others. As he was preaching, I thought about the people who had hurt me most in life. Isn't it sad that it is those that you love the most or are closest to that hurt you? I mean, my "big three" hurts in life came from my biological father, my ex-husband, and Kevin. Here's what has always been a question for me...I forgave my ex-husband and Kevin easily, but I couldn't let go of the pain my biological father caused me. I couldn't forgive him and let it go. And, it's not like my ex-husband didn't put me through some serious pain. There were times when I hurt so badly that I didn't even want to go on living. But, I overcame and I forgave. And, you all know the stories with Kevin, but I was able to forgive there too. Bible Study after Bible Study, these forgiveness issues with my father kept coming to surface. And, after listening on Sunday and reflecting, I have finally forgiven. I believe that God doesn't want us to have relationships that are harmful to us, so I am not seeking a relationship, just letting go and forgiving. So, here it is in print:
Dear N,
I forgive you for not being there as a dad when I was growing up.
I forgive you for not coming to my games to watch me dance.
I forgive you for what you did to my mom and for breaking up our family.
I forgive you for not helping financially as you should have.
I forgive you for kicking me out of your house when I had no place to go.
I forgive you for looking at me with pure hate in your eyes.
I forgive you for pushing me across the room.
I forgive you for making me think the words I love you didn't mean anything.
I forgive you for not being there when I graduated college.
I forgive you for not being there for any of my big moments in life.
I forgive you ... I am handing all of it over to God now and I won't be taking it back. So, goodbye! I am free of it!
Love, L
And, I know I am finally there -at forgiveness because I smile as I type this - not cry! AMEN!
This has taken years of prayers...Thank you God for answered prayers! :)

1 comment:

Vader's Mom said...

Hugs & Prayers! I'm proud of you!!