Thursday, December 29, 2011

Hog Road Trip

*Ok, you can skim this if you desire. I have to get this all down while I remember it and in order for a scrapbooking idea I have! :)
This trip all started from the idea to put Razorback Basketball tickets in Kevin's stocking. I knew he would love it!! I can watch baseball and football anytime, but basketball, not so much. So, I was glad that I ended up enjoying the trip as much as he did! We wanted to spend some time in Fayetteville remembering our college days. We didn't date in college but we were best buddies. Another story for another day...
The best to relive our college days was to take the Pig Trail to Fayetteville!!
This was the last hour of our drive and when we were in college, we knew every curve before it hit. You knew where you were by the scenery around you. It was GREAT to take the Pig Trail instead of the boring ole interstate drive! We need to do it again in the fall and in the spring when it's even prettier. Although, even in winter, this was beautiful:
After the Pig Trail, we head to my favorite (or most frequent) college place to eat ~ Hog's Breath. It's still there and still has the best and biggest baked potatoes! :)Then, we drove across the road to see my old apartments. College Park. Lots of memories!! I not only lived there, met my best friend and old roomie there, but I worked there for years as a leasing consultant and then an administrative assistant.
Since we saw my old place to live, we had to go see Kevin's next! And, I spent plenty of time there myself.
Right across the street from the Kappa Sigma house, on the sidewalk going to Old Main is my name on the sidewalk! Woohoo! Class of '95!

Then, we walked up and down Dickson Street. Some of it is still the same. I have always loved Dickson Street. But, sadly, a lot of the character and charm of Fayetteville has been lost in the growth. It's still Fayetteville, but not quite as good as it was when I was there. :) I was sad to see that the Berkenstock guy with Flying Possom had passed away and his store was boarded up. :(
After walking around Dickson Street, we walked around campus a little. It has changed A LOT!! Then, we hit the Hog store in the basketball stadium. We loaded up on some new Hog gear!! Always a must! :)
After that, I finally got to go to Sugarbear's!! One of our high school classmates and his wife opened this store and I love all the dog pictures they put on facebook! I got the dogs a treat to bring home from our trip!
And theeennnn, I got to see my favorite little one in the world because he is so darn cute!!! My BFF's baby is just toddling all over the place and still as cute as ever!! (Are you catching just how much we are managing to cram into ONE day?!? ha!)
Next, we decided to check in at our super sweet hotel and freshen up for dinner. We had planned to go out to Tonitown, because that is where I waited tables all through college. But, the restaurant was closed for the holidays. So...we rerouted to The Catfish Hole, BUT we took Hwy. 112 which is the highway I drove everyday to work and back. LOVE that Hwy. It has some big, nice houses on it now, but for the most part, it has remained the same.

Finally, GAME TIME! Relax! We even got to meet up with a high school classmate that we haven't seen since high school! She was there with her son and in the state for the holidays. A nice treat!



We went back to our room after the game and had dessert. We stayed at Inn at the Mill in Johnson. Kevin found us a great deal online. It was very nice!!! Loved it!! Super comfy and just had a lot of character.
Dessert in bed after a Hog win and full day of fun! Yes, please and thank you!
Sadly, we had to get up this morning and head back home. Maybe next time we can stay longer and visit more people and see more things! Hope Big Bear liked his stocking stuffer as much as I did! :)

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Christmas Day 2011

Christmas Day this year started out at church at the midnight candlelight service. It was a little hard to stay up after a long fun-filled family day, but it was totally worth it! No other place I would have rather been! I hope we get to start off every Christmas that way. After all, we are celebrating Jesus!!
After sleeping in a bit, it was time for stocking stuffers and our big Christmas morning breakfast. It is always fun to see what treasures Big Bear has found for me. I think my favorite from this year might be the awesome boxer coffee mug he found. Or, all the cricut cartridges. Tough to decide!! The camping journal for our new big camper (someday) was pretty neat too. Anyway...Big Bear got Razorback Basketball tickets! GO HOGS! And the dogs and Nala were spoiled too. They went so crazy over their first toys, that we had to do their stockings in stages! ha!

After being lazy for a bit and sipping on hot chocolate and coffee and checking out our new prizes, we headed off to Beebe this year!!! How nice to shave off 45 minutes of our drive! Mom & Dad's place is not quite ready, so we met and ate at Bubby's. Then, we headed over to the farm to see the progress. I will HAVE to do some before/after shots later this week to show you the difference. It's going to be awesome! Another good family day! :)
My family ~ 2011

Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks

#12

I read this for something lighter and heartwarming. Nicholas Sparks is always good for heartwarming! I mean, he did write The Notebook after all! This book surprised me in that I didn't want to put it down. And, I honestly wasn't sure how it was all going to turn out. It certainly turn out like I expected. But I won't say anymore. Except, yes, I did cry! Now, go read for yourself!
Here is more from the Nicholas Sparks website about what it's about:

The Best of Me is the heart-rending story of two small-town former high school sweethearts from opposite sides of the tracks. Now middle-aged, they’ve taken wildly divergent paths, but neither has lived the life they imagined . . . and neither can forget the passionate first love that forever altered their world. When they are both called back to their hometown for the funeral of the mentor who once gave them shelter, they will be forced to confront the choices each has made, and ask whether love can truly rewrite the past.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas Eve Game Day!

Christmas Eve is the Benson Family Christmas Day for us. Kevin's sister tried out a new tradition this year that we hope sticks. She went and got a bunch of games like Ants in Your Pants, Candy Land, Sorry, & Trouble. We all played games all day and the winner of each game got a prize. Then, at the end of the day, we all bartered for someone else's prize if we wanted it. It was a really fun day! There may have been some yelling and some pouting involved, but it was all in good fun! :)

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Therapy

My idea of therapy is probably very different than most! However, painting this room is a big dose of closure. It has been cleaned out for over 2 years now and ready to be a nursery. My scrapbook desk was the only thing that would have to find a new home. It was bittersweet last night putting the primer on. I always thought when this room was painted again, it would be with the anticipation of a baby Benson on the way. But, that isn't to be...so, rather than keep it ready to become "nursery" (and the dogs room!! They have taken over the twin bed and turned it into a big 'ole dog bed!!), it is becoming my craft room!! Let the crafting begin!
Last night, my emotions were full of anger and sadness while putting the primer on. Sadness of what wasn't to be. Sadness over all the unanswered questions of why? So many things I may never understand. Anger that while I have always tried to do the "right thing" and make the right choices, life just always seems so hard. Doesn't it seem like some people have such an easy walk through life? I am starting to think they just fake it better! And, some of my anger could have been directed at Big Bear who was "busy" playing on the computer instead of helping!!! :)
Today while painting, I tried to use it as my quiet time. Just me and God. And, here is what I got out of my time with Him and letting go of the baby thing. It isn't about what I want or what I dream for my life. It isn't about what I think I should have. It's about what God has planned for me and taking care of and loving what he has already given me. His plans are what I need to start looking for. What does He want me to have and what does He want me to do with my life? I am seeking my purpose and in the meantime, I am going to treasure the blessings I've already been given. I'm going to surrender MY dreams of being a mom and carrying a child, because God has a "greater yes" for me and in that is my purpose. I've just got to be ready to accept it.
*All I need is a second coat, a little laundry work, and some re-arranging! :)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Wordless Wednesday!

Patterson Books!!

#10 & 11

Second book read over Christmas break is Kill Alex Cross by Patterson - my all-time favorite book series and did not disappoint! Excerpt from Patterson website:

The President's son and daughter are abducted, and Detective Alex Cross is one of the first on the scene. But someone very high-up is using the FBI, Secret Service, and CIA to keep him off the case and in the dark.

A deadly contagion in the water supply cripples half of the capital, and Alex discovers that someone may be about to unleash the most devastating attack the United States has ever experienced.

As his window for solving both crimes narrows, Alex makes a desperate decision that goes against everything he believes—one that may alter the fate of the entire country. KILL ALEX CROSS is faster, more exciting, and more tightly wound than any Alex Cross thriller James Patterson has ever written!

First book read over Christmas Break is The Christmas Wedding by James Patterson - a nice, light read for the holiday season.
Excerpt from James Patterson website:

The tree is decorated, the cookies are baked, and the packages are wrapped, but the biggest celebration this Christmas is Gaby Summerhill's wedding. Since her husband died three years ago, Gaby's four children have drifted apart, each consumed by the turbulence of their own lives. They haven't celebrated Christmas together since their father's death, but when Gaby announces that she's getting married—and that the groom will remain a secret until the wedding day—she may finally be able to bring them home for the holidays.

But the wedding isn't Gaby's only surprise—she has one more gift for her children, and it could change all their lives forever. With deeply affecting characters and the emotional twists of a James Patterson thriller, The Christmas Wedding is a fresh look at family and the magic of the season.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Just for a laugh...

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Yep, I'm one of THOSE pet mom's!

It started out playing with the furkids and realizing I had them all close enough that they could get in the same picture. Success! But then...it sparked an idea!!! :)
We could take pictures in front of the fireplace with the all our stockings!! The dogs were thrilled!! Suddenly, playing wasn't so fun anymore! ha! But, it only got worse for them, because I got another idea!

I mean, if I got all three of them in a picture before, I could totally do it again! Right? We can make this happen!

(Ignore the muddy paw prints on the floor. And note, Stella's new tennis racket in the background that allows me to hit her tennis ball further!) After a little rearranging, we had success again and an even BETTER idea!
Heeheee!! They are THRILLED! Ho! Ho! Ho! Have a Howling Good Christmas and a Purrfect New Year!!!!!! :)

Just a little Saturday night fun! :)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Tis the season!

Work Christmas Party tonight...lots of laughs. Felt so good to laugh!! Really laugh. Sunday School Party tomorrow night. Oh, and my kiddo's Christmas party at the end of the school day tomorrow. That's always a whirlwind of activity!! I am usually good and exhausted afterward!! I think I am getting in the holiday spirit...about to have two weeks off. I love, love, love going to the mailbox and getting Christmas cards every day!!! One of my favorite parts of the season! Looking forward to going to look at Christmas lights, hot chocolate and Christmas movies. Stuffing stockings. Christmas Eve with family. Church on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning breakfast. Christmas Day with family. Love.
I feel your prayers. Please keep praying. I am looking for the blessings, and today I saw them clearly in all the little things.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Thankful

Today has been one of those days when I have struggled with the "why's"... the things I'll never understand. After a much needed Bible Study time, I am going to just list some things I am thankful for instead of thinking about anything down or negative.
I am thankful for:
*2 more school days and then a nice vacation!!
*dinner with a cousin :)
*a job that I absolutely love!
*a husband who loves spending time with me
*rotten dogs that jump in the bed with me
*the softness of Nala's fluff!
*quiet time
*our church that has been so supportive to us

Pray that I can focus on the good and find acceptance. Right now, I am struggling by looking at other people's choices (like, child neglect, child abuse, people giving up their kids...I'm sure you get the point) and wondering WHY they get to have kids and I don't. I am sure this is a natural?!? part of the grieving process over this, but I want to be able to accept our path and move forward. Maybe I'm trying to move forward too fast. Maybe I need to slow down and feel the pain a little?!? I don't know...like I said, it's been a weird day. I'm going to put it to bed now and remember tomorrow is a new day. And, like Beth Moore just said, "We don't know what God has in store for us, but we know it will be good."

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Date Day

Yesterday, Big Bear and I took the whole day and had a much needed all-day date! We slept in and then went for a nice lunch at Copeland's. YUMMY!! We went shopping at Petsmart for the furkids Christmas presents. Let's just say that they are going to benefit from us not having human kids!! And, they better not tear up their new dog beds that were still over priced on sale!!! But, I am finding my therapy in spending money I don't have! LOL! After splurging on the furkids, we hit some flea markets and got a few bargains. (Like a $1 tennis racket to hit Stella's tennis ball further into the backyard for her! Score!) We had a nice nap after that and then went and had a light dinner, got a gift for a needy family, and came home to snuggle up for How the Grinch Stole Christmas. All in all, a successful day. Realities of life tried to sneak their way in a few times and ruin our joy, but I reminded myself that God was in control. One day at a time...

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Closure

Sorry for the silence, but we've been trying to find peace and acceptance with the news we got on Monday at the doctor's office. I can say that waiting a few days to share it has given me some time to reflect and be a little less "raw" with my feelings. The details aren't important, and I think the details will stay between me & Kevin. The main thing we got from Monday's appointment is that we will not be able to have children of our own. There. I said it. Well, I typed it. I'm still not sure I can say it. "We are unable to have children." However you want to word it. It's done. The journey came to an end on Monday. I had a nice cry on my way home, but for the most part, I feel like a huge burden has been lifted. This infertility has consumed our lives. It runs your life. Anyone that has gone through it knows. There just isn't a way around it running your world. And since August, I admit, I have been struggling with depression. It has really zapped the fun right out of this house. There has been no laughter. While I was depressed, Kevin temporarily "fell off the wagon" as they say. So, honestly, while it was hard to hear the words. It was also a bit of a relief. Finally, we have an answer. A definite. No more guessing. No more what if's. No more counting days. No more taking in samples and worrying about counts. No more doctor appointments and worrying about hormone levels. No more blood work. No more phone tag with the doctor's office. No more worrying and stressing over how in world we were going to pay for it all. No more!!! I feel like we can get our lives back. Finally. So, there it is. "We are unable to have kids of our own."
At this point, we are trying to just overcome. We are getting our lives back together. We are going to a Christian counselor to help us find acceptance and peace and most importantly our laughter!! I know we will be ok. It's just been a yucky year for us, and I personally will be glad to see 2011 leave. I look at 2012 with hope.
I appreciate each and every prayer. And, I would love it if you would keep praying for us, but in a new direction. Just pray for our peace of mind, acceptance for God's plan for our lives, and for us both to seek God's will in all our decisions. Feel free to share this with anyone you know who has been praying for us. I am so blessed to have so many prayer warriors that I don't even know how to reach them all!!!
I do have a small favor though. While you may want to say something about this to me or Kevin, for now, just leave it be and pray for us. I don't think I can handle talking about it over and over. I'm not there yet. It's only been a few days. And, while it may be tempting to share a story of someone you know who was told they couldn't have kids and then did, don't. Trust me, I've heard them. That is their journey. I need to make peace with mine.
I may not fully understand why this is happening or what God has in store, but I know He loves me and is walking beside me. He has something in store for us that we couldn't possible imagine. I believe that with all my heart.
With Love,
Lori

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Monday, November 21, 2011

One down!

I officially survived family Thanksgiving #1 with a feeling like I had "infertile" stamped on my forehead while walking among the land of the fertile. I think everyone at Kevin's family turkey day gathering either has lots of kids or kids on the way. I may have almost cried once. Or twice. My emotions are too out of whack, and my flight instinct is on high alert. But I was trapped. And, I survived. And, if the thought of grabbing one of the babies and running crossed my mind, that would be perfectly normal. Right? (This is where all infertile people say Yes! Perfectly! And, all the fertile people of the world think I am nuts!) Oh, I would never do it. But cry? Yep, might happen. At the drop of a hat. One of Kevin's cousin's has the most precious chubby baby (the girl version of my BFF's chubby baby). I mean, she is gorgeous!! As we were about to leave, I finally got my chance to hold her and that most precious baby put her head on my shoulder and hugged me. And that's when I almost lost it. Nothing like it. That hug melted my heart. So, naturally, it was time to bolt. :)
Family Turkey Day #2 coming this Saturday. Luckily, my family has less little ones running around. Should be an easier day on the ole emotional roller coaster. One can hope!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Success!

We declared today "NO cry Benson Wednesday" and had success!! (Well, I did anyway! heehee!)

Police report has been filed on bank mess and all paperwork sent in. My only real frustration with that situation is they may not refund the overdraft fees. Seems a little nuts to me since I didn't freakin' do it! But, whatever. It's NO cry Benson Wednesday, so I'm done with it.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

So many frustrations, so little time!

What's going on here? Well, phone tag has ended. Only because I asked my principal if I could keep my cell phone on me all day. And, they finally called back after the "nice" message I left this morning. That's one week lost to playing phone tag. But who's counting? We are young. We have all the time in the world and a bank account ready to pay for everything. Oh wait! No we aren't! And, no we don't! First available appointment? November 28th. Yep. That's right. So, we still need some eggs and we still need some swimmers. Turns out we get ONE MORE CHANCE to get it right before we pay the big bucks. Pray people PRAY! I would love nothing more than for God to get the glory in all this!! And no one be able to give His deserved glory to the doctors.
So, doctor appointment set. Now, to get this nasty bank account mess settled. Seems somebody (aka jerk, loser, freeloader, thief....) has "lifted" my debit card number. Then, tried to use it at a Wal-Mart in Birmingham, Alabama. Good news is fraud department caught on quickly. Bad news is I was down to my last nickels and cents. They managed to get out $100 and then things bounced and overdraft fees have hit. Doesn't that seem odd that the BANK can catch the fraud but still let it go through and STILL charge fees???? Even though THEY KNOW it is FRAUD!! Yep, tis the days of my life people. So, now that phone tag is over, I get to deal with police reports and trying to get my account back to normal. Did I mention, you have to fill out a police report for the BANK THAT NOTIFIED YOU of the FRAUD? Oh, and now I have no debit card. Good times! Good times!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Infertility update

Basically, we are still playing phone tag to get our next appointment set. The appointment that tells us WHAT we are going to have to do, HOW much it's going to cost, and what our PERCENTAGES are for success.
According to the nurse who left a message during our game of phone tag, I don't produce as many eggs as I should and we don't have the "swimmers" we need. Sounds discouraging - right?
After living all month down to the last nickel and dime, I am thinking, we might as well throw in the towel. People who live paycheck to paycheck just can't logically afford all this mess. That's where my brain is right now.

I'm just praying for guidance with our decisions.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Never a Dull Moment!

Just as it started raining here and got dark, Rex started going nuts at the back fence. When I used the flashlight, I couldn't see WHAT it was that had him stirred up. But, I had 3 sets of eyes glowing in the light, so I knew we had trouble. I yelled for Big Bear to help and this is what we found:
Whoever said that possum's play dead was WRONG! GroSS! He was mad and hissing!! Of course, he had two dogs sniffing him and barking, two flashlights on him, a man asking for a shovel to hit him with and a crazy woman with a camera all coming at him! LOL!
He took some good hits with the shovel and then was tossed over the fence. Yep, we are THOSE neighbors! HA! Seriously, I doubt he's dead, so I'm sure he'll be up and roaming in no time. But, thanks for the save Big Bear!! And, Good Boy Rex!! Taking over Jax's old possum huntin' ways, just warms a momma's heart! Who says only labs can hunt?

Monday, November 7, 2011

That's better!

After two torn up dog beds, Mommy finally got the hint and bought us some new stuff to chew on! Now, we'll be good for sure!!
I mean, can my dog be any cuter? That face melts me every time!

**And, on the other subject, did the doctor call today? No! But are we surprised? No! And, we wait another day. Then, let the phone tag games begin!!!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Bad, BAD doggie!!!

This dog is a MESS!!! And when he is bad, you know the minute you walk in the door because his guilt shows all over his face! Then, when you discover the mess or whatever he has done, he just falls all over himself apologizing! I really have to get it on video someday!
The twin guest bed in our house is really a glorified dog bed. And, today while we were at church, he decided to de-stuff the bedspread (aka dog bed). Who knows why!?! He de-stuffed one of his real dog beds a few days prior. He's in BIG trouble!!!
I tried to give him a dog bone to show him what he SHOULD be chewing on, but he was still having his pity party from getting in trouble! ha!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Appointment Friday!

**"Sample" has been delivered. Nothing quite like walking into a doctor's office with a brown paper bag!! Now, we will hear from the doctor on Monday about the next steps. (Not holding my breath on a timely call with the luck we've had in that department, but we'll see!)
***Nala had her diabetes follow-up today. Since she's not a "nice cat", we have to take a different approach than the normal procedure to get their levels correct. They encouraged me to come in with her rather than leave her there all day! ha! I will say, with me there, she did GREAT! I was so proud!!! Not one hiss or spit or fit! She let them draw blood with no drama!! And, we got her a capstar to immediately kill all her fleas. Basically, she got a pill shoved down her throat and just took it like a champ! Awesome! We are doubling the insulin because her levels are still high and we go back in 2 weeks.
Now...to clean house!!!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Answered Prayer

I have been praying for some time about where to serve in our church. I have met with our pastor several times and explored several options. I just didn't know where I was supposed to serve. Then, another woman talked to our pastor and said some of the same things I had been saying. He put us together and I think I may have an answer! I thought after the Beth Moore Conference in April that it was women's ministry, but wasn't sure how or what to do. Well, we are starting with a Women's Cookie Exchange night. Then, another fun women's activity in January or February. And, then starting a Bible Study. YES!!!!! So excited!!
Plus, I get to do Upward Basketball again. We may be coaching but we may do something different this year (Kevin as a ref and me in the concession stand). Either way, we are serving and helping with Upward. It takes a lot of people to pull off the Upward program. They can never find enough people to cover the concession stand. So, I think I'm pretty qualified for that one! :)

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!




We're just waiting on the rest of our Trick-or-Treaters! :)

Sunday, October 30, 2011

What I know...

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial,, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Is it an accident that this was my Daily Bread reading on Friday? I don't believe in accidents or luck anymore. I know all things are guided by God.
I saw another side in David's calm spirit: I am unable to understand all that God is doing in me, and it is impossible to try. David draws a comparison between a weaned child that no longer frets for what it once demanded, and a soul that has learned the same lesson. It is a call to learn humility, patient endurance, and contentment in all circumstances-whatever they are-though I do not understand God's reasons. Divine logic is beyond the grasp of my mind. I ask, "Why this affliction? Why this anguish?" The Father answers, "Hush, child. You wouldn't understand if I explained it to you. Just trust Me!" So, I turn from contemplating David's example to ask myself: Can I, in my circumstances, "hope in the Lord"? Can I wait in faith and patience without fretting and without questions God's wisdom? Can I trust Him while He works in me His good, acceptable and perfect will?

These things I know for sure, you can knock me down, but I don't stay down for long. And, in every instance in my life that has been a trial, I have come out the other side of it stronger. How we handle trials in life make us into who we are. My faith has been tested lately. But, the devil cannot win. I know that Jesus has been carrying me lately and hasn't let go. I will continue to seek His guidance and do my best to follow.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I surrender!

I seriously cannot win for losing! I give up! It is one craptastic thing after another!!!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Today I am thankful ...

...for friends who are willing to let us inside their most private and personal journey to show us the IVF ropes. My mind is still reeling from actually seeing all the medicine, shots, and schedules. But, even after all the scary needles and realizations of just how life consuming this will be, I know we have to do it. We were both sort of having our doubts, thinking we couldn't handle it emotionally and/or financially. But, deep down, I know I have to "buck up" and do it. If I don't, I will always wonder "what if". I feel a little more prepared for what lies ahead after tonight. Praise Jesus for friends who are willing to share their story. :)

Monday, October 24, 2011

Today I am thankful ...

...for another medical bill that only came to $13 and some change! Let's keep this line of billing going!!
...for blogs like this one: 999 Reasons to Laugh . You really must check it out. Especially if you are struggling with infertility!!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Today I am thankful ...

...for our church. I love our church family! I love that I have a preacher that is so approachable and knows me when I walk in the door. I love that I feel like I can talk to him about anything. I hate that when our hearts are hurting, he hurts too. But, I love that he cares about us that much.
...for a husband who was asked to teach our Sunday School class today. So proud of him!
...for a clean garage!!! I can't believe we finally cleaned it! It's amazing what you can do when are stuck at home because you have no money! HA!
...the laugh I got when I heard Rex bark from the back of the house and then cry and run. As I see him running down the hall, Nala is on his heels in fast pursuit! She chased him until he fell over at the ottoman and then proceeded to slap him a few times. Not sure what he did to start it, but I wish I had it on camera! He looked scared to death and she was MAD!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Today I am thankful ...

...for a medical bill that was only $3 and some change! I can handle that one!
...that Nala is still taking her insulin shots like it's no big deal.
...for being able to sleep in with Big Bear.
...for the laugh Rex gave me this morning when he couldn't wake us up to feed him. He resorted back to his dumpster diving days and decided to "clean" up last nights dinner plates. (He got in trouble before I laughed and went back to bed!)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Today I am thankful ...

...that I have no idea what it feels like to go to bed hungry. As strapped for cash as we get at times, we are always able to pay our bills and have food on the table. Thank you Jesus for always providing for our needs.

I am thankful for friends who send me verses like this: (I've read it numerous times in the past week!)
Even when we are too weak to have any faith left, He remains faithful to us and will help us, for he cannot disown us who are part of Himself, and He will always carry out His promises to us.
II Timothy 2:13

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Just some thoughts...

I considered for a few days stopping blogging for awhile. Not because I wanted to, because ultimately the blog is for me. It's my journal. It's how I get things out. But because some people just don't "get it", and I thought maybe retreating would be a better way for me to find some peace of mind. And then, I got an email from a friend who is going through the exact same thing right now and every single thought and feeling she expressed in her email was EXACTLY what I have been thinking, feeling, and doing!!! Amen! I may be crazy, but I am not alone!! And, then I thought, there are more than 2 of us out there. And, if my journal of MY feelings helps just one single person out there feel the slightest bit validated in their infertility struggles, then putting up with a few people that just don't "get it", will be worth it!! Before I go any further, I want anyone reading this that has kids of their own to stop and think for a minute. To even come close to putting yourself in our place, imagine, just imagine, what life would be like without your child. Imagine no first moments, no hearing "I love you mommy", no first day of school, no Christmas presents to put together in anticipation of Santa, no graduations, no grandkids, no children's laughter, no hands reaching up for you to hold them....just imagine for a moment that all those moments that you have been blessed with...imagine life without them. THEN, you can give me advice. THEN, maybe you can tell me how to feel. And, I didn't even have a pity party or cry a tear just then. It's acceptance that may or may not be God's will for my life. I know He has a plan. I know He knows what is best for me. He can certainly make better plans for my life than I can. But, I still get to have emotions and feel the pain. I am human, and disappointment hurts. But this isn't the first hard ball life has thrown my way, and I am sure it won't be the last. I have overcome before, and I will again. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the prayers. I am beyond blessed to have so many people praying for me. We certainly need them right now.
Dear Lord, please help me have patience and faith while I wait to hear from You. Help me live in excited anticipation for the day when I will see how You answer my prayers. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Honesty

I am not going to try to cover it up or lie. I'm still not doing good. I feel like I am barely holding it together most days, and I can't get out of the slump. I don't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. And, I cry at the drop of a hat. I cried a lot yesterday. My poor husband is being a trooper but I think he has about had it with me. I know I am under a big spiritual warfare cloud right now. I am reading my Bible every day, going to church, praying, and doing my Bible Study. I am doing all those things because I KNOW that God is the only answer to get out of this funk I am in. But, if I am going to be really honest with you. I am doing those things, but I am not feeling it. I think I may take a break from facebook for awhile (it's toxic in more ways than one) and if I blog, for awhile I may force myself to just list things I am grateful for that day. I don't know what else to do...the only time I really feel ok is when I am work because I forget everything else and focus on work. I forget how poor we are, how infertile we are, how our yard looks like white trash, and the house needs to be cleaned. I forget. Then, it's like something clicks when I get in the car to go home. And, my shoulders are heavy again. I don't know what to do to get over all this except pray and keep reading my Bible. Life is a series of ups and downs and I know it will get better...hang in there with me!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Birthday Girl!

That's right! It's Nala Girl's 15th birthday!! And she wants to tell you her story!
15 years is a long time to be together. My mom says I've been with her longer than anyone. I love her. She really spoils me, because she always wanted an orange tabby and that's ME! I was born in a barn a few days within my brother, Simba's litter, so grandma and mom "guess" that today is my birthday. They know they are within a day or two of it, so we settled on the 13th of October. Can you believe I was born in a barn? Those days are sooooo behind me! My original family included Rocky (the rottie), Jax (who mom refers to as the best dog ever), and Simba (my brother...we share a daddy?). Here is a picture of my mom with me, Simba and Jax. I was NOT very happy here at all!

And this is me with my brother, Simba. He passed away earlier this year. We think he had a heart attack. I told him to stop going out there and hunting, but he loved it. Me? I prefer the indoors, the soft fabrics, the air conditioner, the peace and quiet. I do miss my brother though. He was my sidekick for over 14 years. It was hard to say goodbye, even if he did annoy me sometimes. I mean, what are brothers for, right?
Everyone except my mom thinks it is ridiculous that I prefer to drink my water out of the tap. I say, what is better than fresh water? And, yes, I let it run down my head first. Don't judge!
After Rocky and Jax passed away, mom and dad eventually got new puppies. What a pain that was! I hated them for the first two years pretty much. I've only decided to try and like them now that Simba is gone and I have no one else to talk to while mom and dad are at work. I do love to bully the boxer though. Shhh! He's so easy to pick on! He's terrified of me. The other one, Stella, she's too dumb to even know to be scared. And her tail drives me crazy!!
If I had a choice, I'd take my Simba back!!
And if we are being completely honest, I'd take Jax back too. He was SO much calmer. I could cuddle on the couch with him. Not these two new morons!! Oh well, maybe I can get them trained!!

Just recently I was diagnosed with diabetes. I am trying to be brave for my mom. She was nervous about giving me shots, but I am being extra good for her. She said she wants many more years with me because she loves me so much. My birthday wish is for many more years with her too. I love nothing more than sitting in her lap and letting her love on me! Happy Birthday to Me!