Monday, March 21, 2011

A look inside our hearts...

This week is Spring Break and our anniversary week. That means we've been married for 2 years now and trying to have a baby for 2 years now. We are at a good place with the whole baby thing, in that we have a peace with whatever happens. And, this week we have decided it is time to be in serious prayer about what our next steps should be...where is God leading us in this journey? What are our next steps supposed to be? Here is the catch. I am trying to work in my flowerbeds and be QUIET and LISTEN for what God's will is for us. I am not good at being quiet and listening. But I am trying...
I find myself thinking about fertility treatments that we cannot afford. Adoption that we cannot afford. Then, I stop and remember ALL things are possible with God. All things! I remind myself of all the times that He has provided for us. How He gives us just what we need. And, then I stop with the negative thoughts. Kevin and I have had a serious talk about his idea of fostering, and I think God makes special people for that, and I am not one of them. I am not saying never or no, because I am not sure if this is ME talking or God. So, we are praying. I just don't think I can foster kids. I can't even foster dogs without getting too attached. I cry when I give up a foster dog. How could I ever love a child and then give them up? I am pretty sure my heart isn't made for that journey. I am not, however, opposed to adoption. My biggest fear with adoption is that because of our past, someone would decide that we wouldn't make good parents. The thought of someone coming into our home and judging us to decide if we could be parents or not, well, that makes me nervous and a little sick to my stomach. Then, when those thoughts creep in, I think again, all things are possible with God. If this is the plan He has for us, then He will clear the way. So, we are praying. We are listening. We are keeping our hearts open to what is ahead. When doubt and worry start to settle in, I start counting all the blessings we have already been given. And I remember some important words:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
If God is for us, then who can be against us? Romans 8:31
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5,6
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16, 17

I could keep going with the Bible verses...that is where the peace is found! :) Please pray with us that we hear God's plan for us.


Laura said...

I sent you an email. You are one of my best friends and I want you to know that you are on my mind and in my prayers! Love you!

Laura said...

Sandy said...

Praying for God to show you His direction! Love you guys!

Anonymous said...

This post touched my heart. Will pray that God's will for this situation be revealed to you both.

- M

Lindsey said...

Prayers, prayers, and more prayers:)