Sunday, October 16, 2011
I am not going to try to cover it up or lie. I'm still not doing good. I feel like I am barely holding it together most days, and I can't get out of the slump. I don't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. And, I cry at the drop of a hat. I cried a lot yesterday. My poor husband is being a trooper but I think he has about had it with me. I know I am under a big spiritual warfare cloud right now. I am reading my Bible every day, going to church, praying, and doing my Bible Study. I am doing all those things because I KNOW that God is the only answer to get out of this funk I am in. But, if I am going to be really honest with you. I am doing those things, but I am not feeling it. I think I may take a break from facebook for awhile (it's toxic in more ways than one) and if I blog, for awhile I may force myself to just list things I am grateful for that day. I don't know what else to do...the only time I really feel ok is when I am work because I forget everything else and focus on work. I forget how poor we are, how infertile we are, how our yard looks like white trash, and the house needs to be cleaned. I forget. Then, it's like something clicks when I get in the car to go home. And, my shoulders are heavy again. I don't know what to do to get over all this except pray and keep reading my Bible. Life is a series of ups and downs and I know it will get better...hang in there with me!