Sunday, October 16, 2011

Honesty

I am not going to try to cover it up or lie. I'm still not doing good. I feel like I am barely holding it together most days, and I can't get out of the slump. I don't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. And, I cry at the drop of a hat. I cried a lot yesterday. My poor husband is being a trooper but I think he has about had it with me. I know I am under a big spiritual warfare cloud right now. I am reading my Bible every day, going to church, praying, and doing my Bible Study. I am doing all those things because I KNOW that God is the only answer to get out of this funk I am in. But, if I am going to be really honest with you. I am doing those things, but I am not feeling it. I think I may take a break from facebook for awhile (it's toxic in more ways than one) and if I blog, for awhile I may force myself to just list things I am grateful for that day. I don't know what else to do...the only time I really feel ok is when I am work because I forget everything else and focus on work. I forget how poor we are, how infertile we are, how our yard looks like white trash, and the house needs to be cleaned. I forget. Then, it's like something clicks when I get in the car to go home. And, my shoulders are heavy again. I don't know what to do to get over all this except pray and keep reading my Bible. Life is a series of ups and downs and I know it will get better...hang in there with me!

1 comment:

Laura said...

My heart hurts for you!! You are right, life is full of ups and downs. We were never promised it would be perfect. But, sometimes the downs are as much as we can deal with. Just try to do one thing for yourself everyday and focus on the small joys in life. A yellow mum for the porch. The simplicity and sweetness of a Dr. Pepper break. BBQ Nachos...enough said. And, keep going. And going. And, after awhile, you'll begin to look around again and see life with new eyes newly-found appreciation and understanding.

Love you and family!! You are always in my prayers and I think about you and your struggles everyday. Just remember that you are not alone! There are so many people that love you and support you.

Laura