I considered for a few days stopping blogging for awhile. Not because I wanted to, because ultimately the blog is for me. It's my journal. It's how I get things out. But because some people just don't "get it", and I thought maybe retreating would be a better way for me to find some peace of mind. And then, I got an email from a friend who is going through the exact same thing right now and every single thought and feeling she expressed in her email was EXACTLY what I have been thinking, feeling, and doing!!! Amen! I may be crazy, but I am not alone!! And, then I thought, there are more than 2 of us out there. And, if my journal of MY feelings helps just one single person out there feel the slightest bit validated in their infertility struggles, then putting up with a few people that just don't "get it", will be worth it!! Before I go any further, I want anyone reading this that has kids of their own to stop and think for a minute. To even come close to putting yourself in our place, imagine, just imagine, what life would be like without your child. Imagine no first moments, no hearing "I love you mommy", no first day of school, no Christmas presents to put together in anticipation of Santa, no graduations, no grandkids, no children's laughter, no hands reaching up for you to hold them....just imagine for a moment that all those moments that you have been blessed with...imagine life without them. THEN, you can give me advice. THEN, maybe you can tell me how to feel. And, I didn't even have a pity party or cry a tear just then. It's acceptance that may or may not be God's will for my life. I know He has a plan. I know He knows what is best for me. He can certainly make better plans for my life than I can. But, I still get to have emotions and feel the pain. I am human, and disappointment hurts. But this isn't the first hard ball life has thrown my way, and I am sure it won't be the last. I have overcome before, and I will again. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the prayers. I am beyond blessed to have so many people praying for me. We certainly need them right now.
Dear Lord, please help me have patience and faith while I wait to hear from You. Help me live in excited anticipation for the day when I will see how You answer my prayers. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.