Sunday, October 2, 2011

Pity Party anyone?

I'm having one today...want to join? I just can't seem to wrap my head and heart around this whole journey. Why am I suddenly struggling so hard? We've been trying for 2 1/2 years!!! Why is it just now hitting me? Maybe because we are just now getting down to the serious part with the doctors. The end result is in sight. It's either going to be a no or a yes. And, the wait will be over. I've always been so scared to let my heart want to have a child for fear the answer would be no, and I would be heartbroken. I am just struggling right now with the "why?" Why do we have to go through this? Why does this person or that person get to be a mom so easily? What are we doing wrong? What else can we do? I don't know...I think I'm just scared the answer is no. I just don't get it. I may never.

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