Monday, January 30, 2012

And the journey continues.... (part 2)

*part 1 in post below*
Everyone still with us? Feel the misery? Feel the heartache? Have you asked yourself and God over and over, WHY???? I mean, why? It just makes no sense. I have wondered what I have done wrong or if I should've done more. Then, I think, it's not about "works". I have wondered what the lesson is that I should be getting. I've wondered WHY, oh WHY, would God want to put someone in my room that will cause me to hurt so badly (and bless her, it is SOOO not her fault!!)?!? Salt in the wound. Why? I keep going back to the fact that God isn't mean or vengeful. Our God is a loving God. He wouldn't intentionally hurt us. So, I can't help but think no matter how badly it is going to hurt, He has a plan in this. For some reason, this girl and I are supposed to cross paths. The part that is going to drive me insane is that I may never truly know what that reason is. Faith. Such a tricky thing sometimes.
So, this is where I am Saturday as I go to church to volunteer for Upward basketball. Keep in mind my eyes are all puffy and swollen from bawling my head off the night before. And, I seriously doubt you are ready for what God has in store next. So, sit down and grab hold of your seat. It's a wild ride!!!
A few hours into my shift at Upward, one of my favorite little boys comes to get nachos. This kid is adorable!! Kevin and I coached his big brother last year. His parents did IVF twice to get pregnant. His dad is one of those people who talks to everyone and has no reservations about what he says. (Remind you of Kevin? ha!) Anyway, last year, I spent the first Upward practice with him talking about infertility. So.....there's a little background. Back to the adorable boy. He is sitting at the snack bar, and his dad comes in to sit with him. He waits a little bit. I know what's coming. I can see it in his eyes, plus, he asks whenever he sees me or Kevin. And, this is how the conversation goes...(me in a whisper, low voice/him in a booming, loud voice)
The Dad, "You pregnant yet?"
Me, "Well, no. Turns out we can't have kids."
The Dad, "Why not?"
Me, "Well, he doesn't have any swimmers, and I don't have any eggs."
The Dad, "Really? We have some frozen embryo's. Do you want them?"
Me, "What!?! What are you talking about?"
The Dad, "We have six frozen embryo's left over from our last IVF. We pay $400 every 6 months to store them, and we don't want anymore kids. Do you want them?"
Me, "This is crazy!"
The Dad, "We've been trying to figure out what to do with them. We don't want to destroy them."
Me, "Wouldn't that be weird in a few years when we walk into Upward practice with your biological child and see you?"
The Dad, "We don't want anymore kids. We are done. We have 6 embryo's frozen and don't want to destroy them."
Me seeing Kevin - "KEVIN, come here!!"
Basically he tells him the same thing, and then goes into how the expensive part is done. And all they would do is give me some hormones to trick my body into thinking I was ready to get pregnant and insert the embryo's.
Interesting. Crazy. Who knows how to respond to that?!?!
It basically ends with the Dad saying, "You two pray about it." And me saying, "I'll pray and do some research."
Then, I had to question the timing of it!! Was God trying to tell me something? How crazy is this? What in the world? I never even heard of such!!!! Then, I find on the internet that it is basically the newest form of adoption. You are just adopting the embryo and getting to carry the child through pregnancy. Is it science or is it God? Is it right or wrong? Should we think about it? Should be just make peace with no children? It's pretty out there. What in the world is going on???? If you are like me and had zero clue this was an option, research frozen embryo transfer or adoption. Who knew???? We're praying about it. Right now, my head is spinning. I have no clue what God is up to. I have no idea what we will do if anything. Maybe He is just trying to tell me to keep my options open?
Keep praying everyone. But, ESPECIALLY ON WEDNESDAY!!!!

1 comment:

Vader's Mom said...

I'm at my desk crying for you!! How amazingly cool, outrageous, fantastic, awkward. My goodness - God has no bounds and no limits. I would have never and I don't even know what to think about this for you. My heart's doing flips. Love and prayers for your decisions my sweet friend.