Thursday, May 24, 2012

Progress...

So, some of you have been brave enough to ask...so I'll make a progress update on the ole state of mind.  Mother's Day.  It's been a tough day for several years now.  But, this year was the first I was able to honor my Mom in awhile.  It was actually a good day.  No pity party.  There were just a few brief moments when I let my mind drift to the sadness, but I snapped back quickly.  We made a decision last year not to attend church anymore on Mother's Day or Father's Day. It's just too hard.  Every moment is like a slap in the face of what we will most likely never have.  We decided to praise Jesus with the furkids in the woods hiking or some other outing.  It just so happened that this year, Mom decided to host a family gathering at the new farm.  It was perfect.  
For the most part, I think I have found acceptance in our situation.  Don't get me wrong, it sneaks up every now and then.  And, most of the time, it comes when I'm not expecting it.  Watching my students accept their science fair awards last week, I almost cried.  I was so excited for them and their parents.  All that hard work.  And then watching them with their parents, it hit me that I would never have that.  It kind of crushes you for a moment.  It's such a huge dream we've been denied, but we are trying to make life plans and move forward.  I have no idea what God has in store for us, and I am just taking one day at a time and trying to have faith.  Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. :)  For now, we are ok.  Better than we have been, so for all those who wondered, thought about us, or prayed for us around Mother's day, thank you!  I spent a big part of my day praying for all the many women out there that are battling infertility or who like myself, will never know the joys of being a mom.  I prayed they were able to hold their heads up and honor their mom's and accept the path chosen for them with a peace of mind about it.  Not an easy thing to do.  I imagine there will always be moments when the sadness will hit, but I am mainly focusing on the blessings.  When it gets right down to it, I am blessed beyond what I deserve! 

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