Saturday, August 11, 2012

Journal

**For incredibly cute puppy pics, just skip on down to the post below.

This puppy has been a blessing in more ways than one.  The biggest is that I've had 7 weeks of driving time alone in car for an hour and half there and then again on the way home.  Drive time alone is when I find I talk to God the most.  It's my prayer, praise, and think time.  Here's what I have come to realize in the past few weeks: I've been very self-centered.  I've only been concerned about ME and MY problems/trials.  Looking back all throughout the infertility journey, I kept my eye on Jesus and held onto the hope.  Once I wasn't given what I wanted, I turned my back.  I gave up.   I let the devil win.  I listened to all the negative thoughts about why me?  Why can't I catch a break?  Why did I have to go through "this" or "that" in my life?  I looked at other peoples journeys and wondered how they had it so easy.  I tried to figure things out.  I needed an explanation for why this was happening and how God could say no after everything else we had been through.  I was consumed with all these thoughts.  CONSUMED!!  I let my work drama feed into the negative thoughts this summer.  This was just another thing to add to the list of how life wasn't fair to ME.  I even questioned prayer and why I should ask for what I wanted because it certainly seemed I never got it and it didn't matter. It was a pity party at it's best and it was all self-centered.  I praise Jesus for his mercy and grace and that all I have to do is ask for his forgiveness and STOP my actions and negative thoughts.  It is time to turn things around and start by thinking POSITIVE thoughts and living my life to the fullest again.  I honestly feel like I've lost over a year.  I let it steal my joy.  There are people who have endured trials much worse than mine and when I stop looking only at mine, I finally realized that.  I am incredibly blessed to have so many friends and family who have patiently prayed for me through this journey!!!  I want you to know that I have been on the upward climb for a few weeks now.  I'm standing again.  Your prayers are deeply appreciated.  In Christ alone, my hope is found.  :)

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him. James 1:12
I have told you these things so that in me, you may have peace and confidence, in the world, you will have tribulation, trial, distress and frustration, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

LIKE :)
BFF