Sunday, February 9, 2014

Trying to get back in the groove...

Today I am trying my best to get out of my funk.  To get back to "normal" - whatever that is.  It's been a crappy week, hence the absence from here.  On Monday night, we said goodbye to Nala...about 7:30 pm, she tried to walk to the back and just sat down and couldn't go any further.  I picked her up and carried her and held her in my lap.  Just the two of us for about 3 hours of constant petting, telling her I loved her and saying goodbye.  My heart was broken.  The next day was an "ice" day and no school, so I basically stayed home and bawled ALL day.  That night I had to take a muscle relaxer just to make myself stop crying and sleep (right or wrong, it's reality).  The next day, I called in sick and literally slept until 2:45 pm.  After a week and a half of being up most of the night to check on her or wake up every time she moved, and then the emotional roller coaster each day, I think I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  Thursday I pushed through the day, but luckily I didn't have classes (due to a sewer leak at school, the library was being used as classrooms).  So, I was able to do mindless tasks and fake my way through the day.  I honestly thought I was ready for this, but I wasn't.  This was/is a tough loss for me.  I mean, come on, let's be honest.  Over 17 years together. I was with her longer than either husband! ha!  
Friday, I had planned a month ago to take a personal day for my birthday so I stuck with it.  I figured the week was a wash anyway.  And, I woke up to a text from my Momma that Bubba Bear's daddy, Rufus, had died unexpectedly.  Did I mention that my BFF's dog died on Wednesday of this week too?  It's really been a craptastic week!  After hearing from my mom, the vet called and said that Nala's ashes were ready for me to pick up.  (Yes, I have my pets cremated.  I know I will not live here forever and can't stand the thought of moving and leaving them behind.  I want to be able to take them with us when we move.)  Saturday was my actual birthday.  Kevin was gone most of the day and since we "celebrated" Friday, he kind of forgot the first half of the day that it was my birthday...yes, that happened to top off the week.  He recovered by bringing home a card with a Barnes and Noble gift card in it and cake and ice cream.  But, all in all, it was such a horrible week, that I declare a do over in April or sometime in the spring anyway.  I have only cried once today...progress friends, that's progress.  Everywhere I look, it seems like she should be there looking up at me. :(

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