Saturday, February 28, 2015

Reflections

Over the past few months, I have had a few experiences that have made me stop and think about people & how each of us have different battles going on in our lives that others may or may not know about it.  I've also had a few experiences where I have heard women giving their "opinions" on other people's problems. (aka gossiping...my admitted weakness)  It has me pondering...I have certainly had my share of hardships and given people something to talk about over the years.  What were some of my "so-called" friends and/or acquaintances saying about me behind my back?  I mean, I have given them many topics to choose from - divorce, depression, Kevin's alcoholism, marrying a recovering alcoholic, not being able to have kids, depression again.  As I ponder the challenges life has thrown at me, my hope is that if/when people have talked about it, they see hope, perseverance, empathy to others, determination and an overcomer.  There were times in my depression that I wanted to just give up.  There were times when I felt that life had been unfair and given me too much.  One person shouldn't have to deal with all those obstacles.  But I fought my way both times out of my depression.  And, both times I fought my way out with pure stubbornness I guess because I never took medication.  I don't wish some of my battles on anyone...especially the infertility.  But, I also feel like each one has helped shaped me into the person I am today.  And, as I ponder these battles and coming to the other side of each one, I am trying harder to be a kinder, better person.  I am making it a goal to try to be more positive and slower to temper and remember that the person I encounter that may be cranky or different than they were yesterday, may be struggling with something I know nothing about.  Not everyone airs their problems, because so many of us are quick to judge.  I don't want to be that person.  So...if you choose to "talk about me"/gossip and my choices get the facts straight from the horse's mouth:  1) Yes, I am divorced.  No, I didn't want a divorce.  Yes, my ex-husband cheated on me numerous times.  Yes, people knew and didn't tell me.  Yes, it was what I thought at the time was the worst pain of my life.  I almost didn't survive it.  Depression followed for over a year and numerous times I came very close to suicide.  Depression is scary.  Don't judge.  Don't walk away from your friends that are suffering from it.  Be patient.  Be there.  Don't give advice.  Just love them and let them know with your presence that you aren't giving up on them. 2) Yes, Kevin was an alcoholic. Yes, he will struggle with it his entire life.  Addiction is ugly.  Don't judge.  Support.  Have his back.  Lift him up.  Pray for him daily.  He is sober now but it is a DAILY choice.  He is my best friend in the entire world.  There have been times when I felt like it was just me and him against the world.  I'm extremely proud of the man he has become.  Marriage, any marriage, has its struggles, but I don't want to be married to anyone else.  (even when he is driving me crazy - ha)  3) Infertility.  That's a tough one.  I only thought my divorce was painful.  Infertility is the WORST thing I have been through so far in this life.  It broke me for a long time.  I lost friends because of my depression.  I still struggle to this day around babies.  It's hard to explain...on the one hand, I am ok now with not having kids (a special thanks here to the folks with kids that were brutally honest about how it's not all rainbows and sunshine and there is life without them!!).  I am ok on one hand, but an insensitive comment on the other hand can leave me almost in tears. Which brings me to my goal - be kind, be positive, be nicer than you have to be.  You don't know what battles someone is going through.  Think about that the next time you sit down for a good gossip session...at least that's what I'm trying to do. :)

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